Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Part Six

The people that are crying inside are the same ones that flip and shoot up a school or hang themselves, these things are seen as shocking when they happen. Why? They’re inevitable with phrases like “everyone has their problems” indoctrinating the minds of the vulnerable at every chance.
This idea that Depression, and it is capitalized, can be baited out and exorcised like some kind of demon in the night is wrong on the most basic level.
A notion founded in outdated ignorance and an almost deliberate misunderstanding of mental health issues has fed the cycle of hurt and heartache across the world. If we were taught that Depression was a problem in the same was that Down’s syndrome is, we would help those affected and we’d do it without a hint of resent.
Instead, the stigma of Depression doesn’t resemble the stigma found in disability, despite its debilitating features, instead resembling the stigma attached to homosexuality or Asperger’s Syndrome. Like it’s somehow a minor issue, an aspect of a person’s self rather than the governing feature.

Depression makes a person think differently, right to the foundations of himself. It’s all-absorbing, a life is ruled and ruined by it. A decision can’t be made without forethought to future episodes of misery.

Winston Churchill likened it to carrying around a big black dog, a dark burden that weighs heavily and pushes against a man’s chest, suffocating him with pure… nothing.
Sadness and misery are estimations, a roundabout way of describing the indescribable. People assume they know what it feels like, being told they haven’t felt it is like saying a new color has been discovered; unimaginable.
The blackest punch to gut, a punch of guilt, shame, hatred, anger, sadness, tiredness, apathy, demotivation and the most profound sense of doom and dread possible, all multiplied to the nth degree and wrapped around you like the dirty hands of the angriest, seediest cunt in the world; yourself.

It never leaves. The punches draw back, but you know another’s coming and you know the grip’s coming back to squeeze you again soon. Always.


  1. Interesting news!

  2. This is the most depressing blog I've seen. O_o :D :S

  3. There's this amazing book called "I don't want to die, I just don't want to live" that was very helpful to me. Not in the sense that I got rid of my depression, but it helped me realize that some people don't ever get over them but are forced to learn to live with them. I've been struggling since I was nine to get rid of mine, it was quite a relief actually to just accept it instead.

    I'm not sure that book is avaliable in english though, it's by a swedish writer.

  4. I read it twice. You describe it so incredibly well. I don't know what to add. This entry is outstanding. Powerful. And it rings so painfully true. I wish I was this good at writing.

    I really hate the way depression is looked down on in society. I get so frustrated at the world for being like this, like you always have to wear a mask for people to accept you. This is probably because of the "law-and-order-militaristic-obey-authority-attitude" that Christianity (especially protestant Christianity) brought us, along with the belief that if you're unsuccessful in life, God hates you. This is probably why people were afraid of expressing negative feelings. This same environment has passed on to us, even though we're not as convinced Christians as our ancestors used to be.

    I always have to look at everything in a historical context...

  5. So true, Depression is an illness and should be treated and considered like such. It's a big deal and most people dont get it. Its not like with a couple of nice words to cheer you up you will be magicaly cured, it doesnt work like that. Its a illness, and a terrible one :(

  6. As always, thanks for your feedback everyone!

    @DayinaSentence - Sorry about that :P

    @TheBeholder - I'd never thought of it that way, that's a really interesting theory. I'll look further into that, certainly. Sounds plausible, no doubt. As for the writing, yours is excellent, you know I'm a big fan of your blog!

  7. And @Stigmata - Thanks for the book suggestion, seriously. I agree, learning to live with it rather than against it is the key.

  8. Really enjoying your posts so far, quite powerful. You've provoked some introspection.

    Following for more.

  9. Interested tidbit on Mister C. Never knew that.