Thursday, 18 August 2011

Part Seven

Hello again chaps, sorry it's been a while. Busy with work and the like, hopefully I'll get back to posting every five days or so rather than the current eight. Anyway, I look forward to reading your comments (and apologising to those who feel this blog is too miserable, although if you read a few posts back you'll see that it's not all doom and gloom. More positivity to come, I promise!) and catching up on the blogs I haven't checked in on recently.

Incidentally, I love the Zapata quote towards the end of this section, it's a recurring theme in my life for both good and bad reasons. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it and what it might mean to you.

As always, try to bear in mind that this wasn't intended to be split into sections, it's one document that I've decided to milk for content during my busy hours.
Part Seven
Even without Depression, if all I felt was a slight melancholy and disregard for life, how is that any less valid? A problem is subjective; I would never attempt to trivialize your problem, no matter how feeble it might seem to me. I understand that a small thing to one man is a big one to another. One man’s rubbish is another’s treasure, and so one man’s unnoticed issues are another’s dominant feature.
If someone as shallow and self-absorbed as me can realise that, why can’t everyone else?

I hate me, I hate you, and I genuinely, in every sense of the word, hate the world.

I hate what I’ve done to me and what I’ve become. I was born a pleasant young gentleman and I’ve become a selfish egotistical cynic.
I hate you, for making me feel like I’ve done this to myself deliberately and for implying it’s common, reversible and exaggerated. No one can suggest I’m anything but honest, even in my deceits.
I hate the world for supplying constant ammunition for cynicism. Everywhere I look there’s something obscene and worthy of my deepest hatred.

Mexican revolutionary Emiliano Zapata said, “It is better to die upon your feet than to live upon your knees.”
Maybe it’s an extreme view founded in my ignorance and stubbornness, but I feel like I’ve been asked to live on my knees. I see things in the news that make me ashamed to be human, and yet I’m told I should contribute to society. I see men who are imprisoned against their will for their entire lives for breaking laws written and enforced by the same people that tell me I live in a free country.


  1. The last two posts pretty much contain all that I like about your blog.

    I can relate to this. I understand and respect your cynicism, and I feel your self-criticism in every word. I feel the same, and some times I wonder why so few people are depressed. Perhaps they just hide it really well.

    Now, I wouldn't call you shallow or self-absorbed, but then again I don't know you in person, so this opinion may be irrelevant.

    By the way, I like that quote too, but I don't really have anything to say that you didn't say already. I pretty much feel the same. I know that's not interesting to read, but it's all I can say.

    This is by far my favourite blog.

  2. good post, deep stuff & btw cool background.

  3. Fuck, that's deep and intense. And very saddening in a weird way :(

  4. I agree with everything the Beholder just said.

  5. i had to catch up with all ur blogs but i still enjoy them very much keep it up

  6. This is really sad. I love my dog and will cuddle him today a lot.

  7. I hate me, I hate you, and I genuinely, in every sense of the word, hate the world.

    I used to feel that way too. All the evil and pain that is going through the world. Impossible to change those bonds of charma.

    But that feeling doesn't help anyone. You know the song "Always look at bright side of life"? It is a good examle of being aware of all that and having fun.