Sunday, 16 October 2011

Chapter One... I suppose!

Well, to be clear, this is just a very short excerpt from the first chapter. Furthermore, it's the first draft of the first part of the first section of the chapter... as such, don't treat it too harshly! As ever though, I'm keen to hear criticisms or areas for improvement!

I understand it means very little without context, so I apologise. I'll give a brief outline of the story in the next post in a few days.

Thanks a lot guys, and thank you for helping me feel like I can do this!

With a forceful shove, Chris had created enough space to get past. His Flailing hands followed him as he jinked to the left and began to run, but they missed; the police would have to run after him.
When he remembered back the chase was a blur, but in the moment he had clarity. He sprinted across the bridge, pulling further away from the pursuing officers with each stride. The shirt he had tied around his face was beginning to come loose and the cold December air was biting at his face as he glanced left and right, searching for the next opening to take.
He didn’t dare look back to see if the police were close, the mess of footsteps, shouts, clinks and clicks told him whether he was safe or not.
With a look into the distance, Chris spotted a house. He was growing tired already and the brisk weather had taken his wind quickly, and with a concern for his fitness and the house around 100 metres away, he chose it as a finish line.


  1. Wondering if he will make it to the house. What horror await him there?

  2. I don't think "flailing" should be written with a capital F in the second sentence.

    Also, I find it unclear what you mean with the part that says "the mess of footsteps, shouts, clinks and clicks told him whether he was safe or not".

    Keep in mind that I am not a native English-speaker.

    I can't say anything else without reading the rest of the chapter, however do take your time. Don't rush it. I'm glad you've begun the writing process so surprisingly quickly, though.

  3. @Beholder - You're right about "Flailing", lazy from me! The "mess" referred to sounds, I'll go back and make that more clear now, thank you!
    As for how fast I've begun to write, it's worth bearing in mind I've had the bare bones of parts of it in my head for a long time now. The planning part (or a lot of it) was more a case of finding a way to merge a collection of short stories I'd semi-written in my mind, an accidental take on the methods of a writer you mentioned in a previous comment :)

    @Offender - Your comments always, always make me smile, and you blog always makes me laugh (although in less of a smiley way, if that makes sense?)

  4. Well, I must have been tired when I read it, because the "mess" sentence seems obvious to me now. I think I was confused by the "whether he was safe or not", perhaps you should have written "that he wasn't safe yet".

  5. I'm glad you're writing and I'm definately looking forward to reading more. You also just inspired me to get my butt out of my ass and start writing again myself.

  6. No worries, Beholder!

    @Stigmata - I'm really glad to hear that, looking forward to maybe seeing what you come up with now that your butt is out of your ass!