So this is part one of around... I don't know. It's up to about 20 at the moment, but I'll keep the parts short.
This is kind of just a brief introduction to my plan. The coming posts (I'll try to update around once every five days) will explain why I've decided to take this action.
This will be my leaving note, because I'm too much of a coward to write a suicide note. The spelling and grammar wasn't something I tried hard with, nor did I attempt to make it an attractive piece in general, rather just an expression of my feelings in the clearest way possible.
Thanks for reading!
This is not a suicide note; I’m not dead and won’t be anytime in the foreseeable future.
I will be gone though; I’m leaving for another country. At the moment, the plan is France (because it’s closest) but I hope to maneuver my way across to Belgium, Luxembourg, Holland and Switzerland.
I’ll be trying my best not to come back. I’ll be sleeping in a tent and I’ll do what I can for money, starting with a “proper” job but hopefully moving into what I want to do soon enough.
I’ve been talking for years about how I want to move away, but have never done it.
I watched a film earlier (Cemetery Junction) and there was a similarly whiny yet lazy character. Someone who forever wished to cast his glorious and oh-so-superior nets the furthest, but never did.
Someone said something to him that resonated, “You’re scared to move away, because then you can’t be angry at everyone for holding you back. You’re scared you’ll move away from being a big fish in a small pond and realize you’re nothing.”
I am scared. When I’m here, I’m resting on the suggestion that I could make something of myself if I tried. That was enough, why try when I know I’ll succeed?